Current mood:

frustrated

This Sucks
So I'm sitting here on the computer in the living room. Shane was talking all day about sleeping on the blow up mattress in the living room, but he got so nervous about it that he ended up puking. It's so sad because I was thinking about why I never really had any problems sleeping in the dark living room. It's because I had Casey there with me. Shane is so much younger that he really doesn't have that. Once I figured out what was going on I asked him if he wanted me to stay out here with him, but he was too freaked out and is now sleeping in my parents' bed with my mom.
It's not fair that he has to deal with the disadvantages of being that much younger than Casey and I. He is such a great kid, that I don't want it to hurt him in the future, he has to deal with enough already. Casey is never home, so I understand why he always clings to me when I'm home. At school Shane doesn't have a lot of friends and we live kinda off in our own part of town so it's hard for him to see the few friends he has. Also, he had a ton of problems on the bus this year; kids were picking on him and setting him up to get in trouble cause he was the only white kid on the bus.
Shane is such a good kid that really is getting the shaft when we are talking about childhood. I had my dad to try and teach me stuff about sports because he was always in town as a dispatcher. Now he is on the road driving, is cranky from being tired when he gets home, and he has emphysema and lupus. So he just doesn't really have the energy or time to play with Shane. When I was in elementary school there was better balance in the people so I had a lot more friends than Shane does. I had people I could go hang out with. The one that I think is most impactful is that I had Casey when I was little. Casey is almost 5 years younger than me but he was always there to play with. Shane doesn't have that. Casey is in high school and looking for his independence so he is not around the house that much. I can't even imagine how lonely Shane must feel on a daily basis.
From seeing how this is happening to him, there is no way my family is going to have only 1 kid. To everyone I know that is an only child more power to you, but I just couldn't do that. I hate seeing Shane like this, and I wish there was more I could do for him. It's just really frustrating.